Before I get to my incredibly insightful reviews, I want to add that I have always been a music junkie. Unfortunately, the music that is being spewed onto the public now a days is a wretched disgrace. Every now and then a song will hit the public like a wad of snot that has been flicked against a window. While this can be mildly entertaining (perhaps your friends can flick their own snot ball at the window and you can bet on which one will travel the furthest without falling like a pickle race) the thrill is often over within seconds. Mostly, you would have more pleasure with the whole balls in a blender thing.
One last note on music; this year has a chance for at least a little more hope since the Chili Peppers are releasing their new album. (I’m still riding the high from Stadium Arcadium.) They are one of the few bands that get better with age. I know I will offend some of the Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik purists, but I honestly could care less about you people.
Since I rambled about my hatred of modern music and my strange urge to discuss my junk in blenders, I will stick to movies in this blog. I get to watch most movies using questionable methods of internet technology. To tell you the truth, if I would have paid for movies this year I would have probably injected bleach into my veins just to get it over with. I’m not saying that movies this year have been as bad as the music, it has just been an extremely off year. At least this year shows promise with the abundance of Marvel Comic movies coming back to the big screen. Hell, at this point I’m even psyched about Thor, and who really gives two shits about Thor? But that crazy hammer-wielding bastard is a huge step up from the shit like The Social Network. (Yeah, we get it, you created Facebook to get laid. Isn’t that why pretty much everything is done, ever?)
Comedies of 2010:
After the year of The Hangover, the comedy world had a hangover of its own. There were a few funny movies, but the overall consensus was pretty lame.
Due Date - Zack G is the type of actor who could stand on the screen, staring blankly at nothing, and I would probably laugh for hours. This was not one of the better movies by any stretch, but it was good for a few laughs and that is good enough for me to take the gun away from my head and put my suicide note back in the drawer for a few days.
Hot Tub Time Machine - I didn’t think I would like this one, but it wasn’t bad. I think if they would have found a little better cast it would have been even better. But at least they came up with a semi-unique story where they travel back to the eighties to change their lives.
Get Him To The Greek - I don’t know if I was just tired when I watched this movies, or it was because I watched it with my mom, but this movie just didn’t do it for me. Like I said before, a few good laughs is worth a lot to me and this movie has them, but it just doesn’t stand up to the really comedies. Once the bar has been set, it ruins the mediocre movies that follow.
Shrek Forever After - Damn, I used to like Shrek and I’d probably watch whatever they put out, but this one just sucked ass. Just like everything in Hollywood, they keep pushing until the shit just doesn’t work anymore.
The Other Guys - This was the only really good comedy of the year. Ferell and Wahlberg play two idiotic cops who try to make a name for themselves. It was good to see Michael Keaton again, especially when he kept quoting TLC. I don’t want no scrubs.
Grown Ups - I keep waiting for another Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, or Waterboy and I keep getting a load of shit from Sandler. This movie had potential, but I think that when Sandler jumped the shark when he started putting out shit movies like Spanglish, his junk fell off and he grew a vagina that acted like a black hole, sucking all the funniness out of him. I will watch Just Go With It because I owe him my dedication for Billy Madison and because at least while I won’t be laughing, I get to look at Brooklyn Decker.
Little Fockers - The theme keeps going, push funny movies too far until they aren’t funny anymore. Check. What the fock is happening?
Date Night - Carell used to be hilarious until he started making movies like Dan In Real Life, which I would personally punch him in the teeth for making me waste my time on. He is the epitome of an actor who found fame and then got all high and mighty and started doing these stupid little films that are like a shitty Indy flick only not as good. Tina Fey is a smug asshole who should stick to hating Sarah Palin instead of wasting our time with her “holier than now” humor. These two are perfect for each other. I wish they would stick to their liberal cocktail parties instead of forcing shitty humor on us.
Action Movies of 2010
Iron Man 2 - The only really good movie of the year. Hollywood needs to keep going with the super hero movies because they have enough material to put a new one out every month forever. Iron Man was one of the more obscure heros, but he has a great story and it is perfect for the movies. He is also maybe one of the more believable super heros out there.
Inception - This movie was like being on an acid trip with Leo Dicaprio, but not really in a good way. Maybe my percocet filled head just figured out what was going to happen too early, but I didn’t think it was that much of a twist in the end. It wasn’t a bad movie and maybe I need to watch it again. The special effects keep you going, but I thought it was great that they ripped off Scrooge McDuck for the story. If you hadn’t heard, Google Duck Tales and Inception.
Clash of the Titans - It’s about time they came out with a story based on Roman Mythology, but this movie was a little flat. If you were ever into mythology, then it is worth watching. I just think they could have done a much better job. But still worth seeing.
A-Team - Aside from Iron Man, this is one of the better flicks of the year. I wasn’t a huge A-Team fan, but it makes for a good movie. They had a good cast and plenty of humor and action.
Expendables - The hype was huge, but it was like getting a beautiful hooker only to find out she has penis. The fact that you put all of our heros in one movie doesn’t make it good. Stallone has been pretty good with his movies, until this one. If you want to take a walk down memory lane, go to Planet Hollywood and look at the pictures on the wall. Don’t waste your time with this shit.
The Fighter - This was a pretty good movie, based on a true story of some boxer that I’m too lazy to look up. It has everything you need in a movie, boxing, ugly girls with bad hair, and Batman smoking crack. Good stuff.
The Karate Kid - Little Cornrow Smith did alright. It was better than I thought it was going to be. I think of it as a good compromise for a chick flick. They think little Cornrow is so cute. I have to admit, he is pretty adorable. Aww.
Other Movies of 2010
Nightmare on Elm Street - I used to love Freddy Kreuger, until he became a pedophile. Yeah, I just gave you a spoiler alert. This awful movie makes me feel like I was the one being molested. Do Not Waste Your Time!
127 Hours - It was a touching story, but it got really old. Just saw your GD arm off already.
Social Network - I guess this movie wasn’t horrible, but like I said, everyone does pretty much everything to get laid when your in college. So the guy was a dick. Most people who succeed in this life are dickheads.
True Grit - This was my favorite movie of the year. The Dude was great and so was that little girl. Even Matt Damon was pretty damn good. It has been so long since a great western has come out that I almost cried. Hopefully Hollywood keeps it up.
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